TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
