Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
