we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
