This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
