I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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