ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
