If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
