Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
