how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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