I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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