just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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