dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
