Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
