I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
