I just made out with a guy for $7.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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