oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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