There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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