the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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