overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
