i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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