You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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