don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize