What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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