You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
