I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
