Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
