If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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