I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can tuck mytits in my pants
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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