Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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