It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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