my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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