I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
