I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize