Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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