I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
