Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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