dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
