Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
third nipple confirmed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
