omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
areolas are like halos for boobs.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
