I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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