Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
