my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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