Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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