I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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