took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
