"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
