hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
