I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
