You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
