She said her name was "party"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
