we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
