i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
