k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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