did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
