will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
