Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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