bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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