sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
