i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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