her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize