I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
tell me about the eggs
Randomize