Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
