Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
