I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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