I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
