You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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