I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
