Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I will pee on everything he values.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
