My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
