wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize