So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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