He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
