then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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