hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
