she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
