1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
