addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
