i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
