Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
