Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
