Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
