Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
