First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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