My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
