My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
