I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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