Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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