Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
