Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
