Just fell off a train. Bad.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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