Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
