i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize