Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
