Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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