I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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