And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
