he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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