I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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